the merry band of idiots
by xfucktheglasses
Summary: With friends like these, who needs enemies? —Team Seven/Team Natsu.


To my gorgeous **Chloe**.

**the merry band if idiots  
**

There was a storm.

That was the only answer as to why the eight of them were sitting around a table, stranded inside the Rec.

There was a storm, equipped with angry rainfall and crazy wind blowing at forty miles per hour. They weren't really allowed to leave until it cleared but given how they'd been sitting around the table like some sort of conference session for about two hours, already, they didn't really think they were going to get anywhere any time soon.

Someone sighed which caused another sigh which caused another sigh.

"What about Squirtle, though," Naruto mused, aloud.

The perfect image of Squirtle was forever engraved in his brain—little blue motherfucker with his arms crossed in front of his shelled-chest and some pretty legit shades covering his eyes; a smirk to seal the badass look. Squirtle was the best if you asked Naruto; PWA—Pokémon With Attitude.

A snort sounded from somewhere and it made Naruto's relaxed slouch grow stiff.

"Seriously, are you kidding? You _are_ kidding, _right_?"

"No, cumslut, I'm _not_ kidding—you got anyone better, DIDN'T THINK SO."

Natsu, from way over to the other edge of the oval-like table, leaned forwards, crooked grin on his lips. "Ninetails, a-_duh_. Motherfucker has _nine tails_ and can torch your little turtle in five seconds flat!"

"EXCUSE ME WATER BEATS FIRE."

From the other edge, Gray got tired of the stupid bickering over Pokémon (personally, he digged awesomer shit like fucking Yu-Gi-Oh! Someone tell him about _that_) and dropped his upper body onto the table, right cheek plastered against the cool surface. His dark cobalt eyes landed on Sakura who was nose-deep into her book. Gray didn't care much for the title or the cover or anything, just the pretty green eyes engrossed on the typed words on the pages inside.

He smirked, all sharp and crooked edges. "Wha'cha readin'?"

Sakura spared him a glance from above the edge of the book, eyes shining like the way they do when she smiled. "A book."

"Yeah, no shit," he scoffed, smirk twisting into a grin. A second later, he stood up. "I'm gonna take a piss—these sonuvabitches are breaking my balls."

The feeling was mutual when it came to Sasuke who sat, unfortunately, next to Naruto. In all actuality, he just wanted them both to die because he had been in the middle of falling asleep and—and—and seriously, Pokémon. POKEMON, SERIOUSLY. A vein throbbed at the side of Sasuke's throat.

"You're both idiots," he muttered, under his breath, dark red eyes sparing them another glare before roaming the rest of the idiots he had to share air with.

Across from him, Erza sat in silence, arms crossed in front of her chest as she half-listened to Natsu and Naruto's rambles and half wanted to destroy them; it was easy to see once you paid attention to the way her jaw tensed and un-tensed. Sasuke almost grinned—only almost.

Because at least he wasn't suffering alone.

And that, in itself, made everything one-point-two percent better.

Besides… "Moltres is better. You're both wrong, go die now."

Naruto turned to him, scandalized. "UH NO. MOLTRES CAN SUCK A DICK. SQUIRTLE IS THE SHIT."

"As if!" Natsu slapped is hands on the table, dark eyes wide with passion. "Ninetails will destroy all your bitches in the yard!"

Sasuke scoffed, lips parting to reply but then a chair toppled over and—

"No, fuck you, Jigglypuff is the best of all the Pokémon. She has a marker which she uses to DRAW GIGANTIC DICKS ON THE PEOPLE SHE'S PUT TO SLEEP. YOU CANNOT ARGUE WITH JIGGLYPUFF, OKAY."

There were stars in Erza's eyes, a fist in the air as she took deep breaths after her passionate statement; she would destroy anyone who said otherwise because—because _seriously, Jigglypuff, okay?!_

Lucy's lips twitched as she watched her best friend from the seat next to her, short blond hair falling over her shoulder as she leaned to the side and away from the fervent aura radiating from the redhead. And the fact that the other three were rendered speechless made Lucy want to cry with amusement but then that'd be a death sentence and Lucy didn't really need that, really, she had stuff to do just as soon as the rain decided to go away and STOP RUINING PLANS.

"Excuse me."

Lucy turned to her left, sparing Sai a glance.

He was staring at her—or, well, not even _at_ her. Like, not even at her face. Lucy's brow furrowed as she followed his line of vision; completely torn once she realized what caught the socially inept's attention. Perfect time to flirt _or_ go Erza and Sakura on him and kick his ass?

"What," she hissed, eyes narrowed.

Sai looked up at her for a second before returning his eyes to her chest. Why were they so… Big? Like… Seriously, they were huge and stuff. If you asked him, they deserved a prize or something—stick these tatas in stupid picture frames and hang them up on the walls because _da-dayum_.

He tilted his head. "Are those really supposed to stick out like that or are you trying to seduce?"

"I'm going to destroy you," Lucy growled.

"Excuse me!" Lucy paused and turned to Sakura who was staring up at Gray with wide incredulous eyes as he held her book out of reach. "That is a limited edition print! Hand it over!"

Gray smirked down at her before thrusting something at her face. "Here, have some dead flowers. It's all I could find that I could give you."

Sakura paused and looked up at him, face blank and short pink hair in disarray. "You're giving me dead flowers. Is this all I mean to you?"

Gray merely grinned at her.

"HEY LEAVE SAKURA ALONE YOU PERVERTED MAMMOTH."

At the noise, Yamato was forced to leave his office and go and… And chaperone those… _delinquents_. He didn't hear anything too bad but knowing them, the silence (other than the ear-piercing screaming) was just as bad. And you know what, Yamato didn't want to deal with this, he really didn't—fuck Kakashi. Fuck him hard in the throat for leaving him with these little assholes.

He poked his head into the room, his toque half off his head.

Naruto and Natsu were in a heated argument while Sasuke and Erza seemed to either be giving each other bedroom eyes or death threats via the eyes. And then there was Lucy who was half on top of Sai in her attempts to choke him to death while across them, Gray continued to hit on Sakura who was a third amused at his antics, a third confused and another third flirting back.

What was he getting himself into, lord almighty help him.


End file.
